he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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