WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
