Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
