My first STD was from a foam party
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
