I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
