If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
