I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
