ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
