Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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