u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
