I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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