I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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