whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
