shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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