you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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