8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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