well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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