She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
false alarm, still single
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
