She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
