WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
