Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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