Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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