i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
