Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
is wine microwaveable?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
