If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
