The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
