You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
