We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
