My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
