dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
