He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
