She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
