when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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