allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
