The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
