Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
