He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
