He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you had me at cake vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
