My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
