i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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