I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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