question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
