grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
