Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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