The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
