I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
