3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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