If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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