Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
