How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize