So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
