Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
