I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
