I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Operation Purity has been aborted
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
