i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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