dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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