I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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