evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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