Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
