We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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