i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need to align my fucking chakras
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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