Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
