If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
