so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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