just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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