okay pat passed out under dana's car
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
