Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
