elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
