But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
